How to Discover the New You After a Divorce due to an Affair Outside of Marriage

by affairtips123 on 06/29/2011

It can be quite difficult to try to pick up with a new life after you have been subjected to a marriage that ended with a divorce due to an affair outside of marriage. Extramarital affairs can wreak havoc on ones self-esteem and their mental state. It can be quite hard to decide if you should stay with your cheating spouse, or get a divorce and move on to a new life and future relationships.

Should you choose to stop divorce and move on after an affair, it can be quite a task to pick up the pieces of your life and begin all over again.

First you have to begin to banish negative thoughts of your spouse’s infidelity. You did not choose to be cheated on, and you were not the person who cheated, it is not your fault and you did not choose to ruin your marriage with adultery. Keep this in mind if you begin to get down on yourself, and wonder if you really were the cause of why your marriage did not work out.

Surround yourself with positive friends and family. Your friends and family should be there for support, and they will be happy to help you get you out and back into the world. You should keep in mind that you need to spend some time for yourself, and learn to on your own again after an affair outside of marriage. You will need to learn to love yourself again, and realize that you are worth a nice honest relationship with a partner that will treat you how you should be treated.

You always have the option of seeing a marriage treatment counselor for yourself. This may help get your back on track with your self esteem, and your self-worth. Sometimes counselors advise you to keep a journal, to write down some aspirations and goals, for where you would like to be in the near future. This will help you feel productive and will give you something to work towards after an extramarital affair.

When you are ready get out and date again. After you have had time to heal and build your self-confidence back up. Get out and begin to date again. Take it slowly; get to know someone there is no rush. This will help you learn to trust someone again after a divorce, and will lead to a new happier healthier relationship or marriage. You will be able to meet someone that appreciates you for who you are, and accepts you baggage and all.

Keep in mind that just because you are ready to date again does not mean that you have to date again. You can build a life on your own if you choose, and do not have to be defined by who you are in a relationship with. You will be able to live your life to the fullest just the same, or even better than before an affair. Just make sure that is your choice, and it is not because you are scared to enter into a relationship again after a divorce.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

John April 16, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Awesome article. My wife and I were having some marriage problems and decided to a short term separation. After 2 months and no progress, I went through her phone and found out she was having an affair. We filed for divorce a couple days later. That’s been 3 months ago, and while I had an ENORMOUS amount of work to do (personal counseling, divorce support groups) and am getting over everything. Find a positive outlet that takes up your time. I have been doing habitat for humanity, big brother, food banks, ect. Its not only a good feeling knowing your helping, but also a chance to meet new people and start new friendships. Things will get better, they have to. Look at the positives in life and you will soon realize that you deserve that your life is better without someone in it that could ne capable of betrayal.


lval March 31, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Thank you for your article and your comment John – I need that – I have two small children and even wanted to give my cheating husband a third chance because of the kids – but he refused.


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